Monday, June 3, 2013

Slap Forum Survival Guide

For those of you that don't already know, Slap Magazine has message boards that are notoriously unapologetic and rough. Case in point, this week, some  kid decided to start a thread to tell people about how awesome Revive skateboards is. The Slap community proceeded to tear him a new one. I don't spend too much time on Slap, but I lurk enough that I decided I could make this helpful guide for people new to Slap.

But first, let's see what we're working with. The original post was:

"Just came to say that you guys should really support Andy Schrock's new company Revive! He is a local skater around here and a real cool and zany guy. His new company has a really cool image and not to mention a damn good name. He is a role model to me and acts like a real skater should!. I feel he deserves all the support he can get so if you guys could pick up some Revive product that would be awesome!"

 And before the first cheesy sentence is over, our oblivious poster has broken two rules of Slap.
*Sigh* This might take a while. Better get started.

1. Don't tell Slap members what to do.
The most active members of Slap are also the most opinionated. Telling them that they should support someone comes across as a challenge- because if they should like something, then by the power of Zeus, they already like it. In fact, they've already got a tattoo for it.

2. Don't bother trying to promote something.
 The whole idea of the slap message board is to be able to discuss skateboarding honestly. If you're promoting something, it's assumed that you're biased. In fact, one of the first things they do is accuse the poster of being Andy Schrock himself. And hell, I would assume the same given how overly positive it is.

Ok, so now we've gotten through the first sentence. What's next? Oh no.

3. Don't be moderately positive about anything, ever.
 On Slap, you either hate something, love something, or you just don't care. Saying a company has a 'cool image', in the eyes of Slap members, is pointless. There are tons of skateboard companies out there. It's either a really sick company, or it sucks and there's no reason to care. That's how it is. Slap is not for people who enjoy skateboarding, it's for people who have gotten so wrapped up in skateboarding's image that they would rather maintain whatever that images is to them than have fun.

In short, when they see this:

... They see a guy who can't seem to locate a Caps Lock key making skateboarders look stupid in front of everyone, and we shall be taken seriously! Remember, fun went out the window a long time ago.

And finally...
4. "So... What's the point of this thread?" Should never have to be asked.
Slap members like to express their opinion, and that's why they are there.  When you start a thread on the premise of "I think this is cool", you are only inviting people to disagree with you, and so everyone proceeded to insult the original poster and call Andy Schrock a douche. And they were pretty convincing.

In short, if you follow these rules, you should be fine. It would also help to only speak when you have something interesting to say. The more cynical, the better. Best of luck!

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